I awake blinking in the light of a new day
That cold winter sun is here to stay
Hand over my eyes, I turn away
Away from the reset of the new year's day
How do you all do it? Strive to change so much
Try and try with little to no luck
It's hard to find that drive
As the decor comes down,
It’s hard to find the drive as the cold surrounds
I'm supposed to start afresh, a clean slate they say
But alas, nothing changes, I still feel the same
At least I didn't die, I'm a little older
But at the same time I feel a little colder on New Year's day, New Year's day
Sleep till the afternoon on new year's day
A great start to the year, sleep your life away
And then blame it on the drink or the party yesterday
But I hardly drink, and I'm not the party type
I don’t know enough people to be the party type
Even better, start the new year with a lie
At this point I’m not even gonna ask myself why
I keep lying to myself, tell myself that I’m fine
When I know that I’m not and I keep towing the line
Of faking a smile to keep your mind and your questions at bay
So I can run from my problems for just another day
So I did the only thing, the only thing I knew
It's the one and only thing that I knew how to do
A paper pad, a pen, and these thoughts in my head
Get them out on the page, they won't control me again
I'll keep telling myself that, but I know the truth
And the truth is that I just don't know what to do
It's a song that I’ve written time and time again
Never ending, never resting, can you help me friend?
Locked in a battle with my fears, fallen from grace
My mind’s a war zone, save me from this place
This place in my head that is the worst of me
And it’s the very last place that I would ever want to be
But no matter what I try it won’t let me be free
I’m looking out of the window and dark is all I can see
I’m in a hall of mirrors and I can’t find the real me
Warped perceptions in the dark is all I see
Then I feel a hand grip mine and it begins to clear
A solitary touch that destroys my fear
A bolt of light from the dark, antidote to the pain
A spark in my heart, sunlight through the rain
I grip the hand tight and now it’s clear as day
You don't define me and I know that sounds cliché
But I was made to love and I was made to laugh
Bet your bottom dollar that I'm gonna do just that
So I won't give up yet, I have so much more to offer
I’m not dead yet, put away the coffin
My head, it can make me feel like this day after day
But if it can create these feelings, it can send them away
There'll be times where it lays into me and gives me hell
But whether I like it or not, this is the hand I've been dealt
I'm gonna play that hand to the best of my ability
Because eventually I will win, and maybe I'll be free